New Year’s Eve has been a pretty unremarkable day for me over the past several years. As the ball drops on Times Square, I have usually been asleep for at least two hours. Prior to losing my first-born this was not the case, however I tried my best to avoid the milestones that signify the passing of time as a way to deal with my pain as a mother without her child. For me this also meant neglecting the New Year’s resolution – resolving to lose a few pounds or to finally get my home organized seemed trivial compared to the real challenges I needed to tackle.
However as 2009 draws to a close, I have to admit that this year blessed me with inner strength, and the confidence to try again. In a little over one month, I will become a mother again. Luckily my daughter will be born around the New Year so it appears that I have made a New Year’s Resolution even though these are just hopes that stemmed from my past experiences.
Although the role of mother will be the most important to me, I also want to maintain my own identity and not be completely defined by my motherhood. What better way to set an example for my daughter to pursue her own dreams than to pursue mine?
I resolve to recognize the friends that have been there through the years as family. I’m an only child and this little girl is going to need some aunts.
Most importantly, I resolve to live in the moment and not take one minute of it for granted. If I am constantly waiting for hew to sprout her first tooth or take her first step, the moments in between won’t seem that important, but they all are.
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